These were Chael Sonnen’s ‘demands’ for his next UFC contract

Well, this is very, odd. I guess Chael has fully embraced his spotlight persona, and forgot that he’s mediocre fighter that

Jello Biafra replaces Bruce Buffer as ring announcer.

Every fight I’m in must be a No. 1 contender fight or a title fight. If I lose, I get an immediate rematch until I win.

No media can look me in the eye or they will be removed from the room.

Headset legalized through the commission, so I can call my own fights.

No longer will I walk to the ring, I need to be carried.

Keys to your least favorite Ferrari.

I can Skype or Facetime my fights if I don’t feel like flying.

Tell GSP to quit being such a dick; I’ll return his truck when I’m done with it.

“It’s not all about money, people, there’s more to these contracts. They’re very sophisticated,”

Props to Bleacher Report for the quotes.

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Jason Nawara

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Jason Nawara figured out a way to make a living discussing the things he loves most in life; MMA, football and videogames. For that, he'll forever be eternally grateful. Aside from writing on the Nuts, you may have read his MMA/Videogame coverage on MiddleEasy.com, or followed him on Twitter @JasonNawara. Jason covers horror games for the massively popular Bloody-Disgusting.com, and he's a Community Manage and NFL beat writer for Topps' Huddle app. Reach out and touch him. He likes it when he's touched.